At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed.
We here at The Corporate Asylum would like your first visit on our web site to be as enjoyable and revealing as possible. It would be a travesty if you did not return because you had a false impression of what The Corporate Asylum is or is not. It should be understood that The Corporate Asylum defies definition and any statement about what The Corporate Asylum is will, of course, be false. To steal a line from The Matrix, “No one can tell you what The Corporate Asylum is, you have to experience it for yourself.” As you consider this idea you might also want to consider a tour of some of the pages on The Corporate Asylum, but don’t. We don’t offer one. You will be better off listening to your Muse as you browse this site.
The Corporate Asylum would like you to receive a welcome from three of our most respected employees: The Editor and CEO, The Inmate; a middle manager; and a regular worker.
First, of course, from the desk of our CEO:
Great to have you aboard. The future begins today and today begins right here. I have always considered our readers the most important component of The Corporate Asylum. How do you make a great web site? A great team! And we have one. Hope to see you again soon.
Yours for a better World Wide Web,
And now management:
Most web sites offer a lot of frills, a lot of helps. Not here. We expect a great deal from our readers. If you want to be successful don’t expect to read The Corporate Asylum only on weekdays while you’re hunched over your computer at work. We sometimes expect you to read on the weekend and often require evenings or even nights when necessary. We want ambitious readers, readers who want to be part of something great. Greatness is not easy. It takes blood, it takes sweat and it takes work, but we feel confident you can handle it. Hey, you’ve made it this far.
And now a worker:
First of all, don’t listen to The Inmate. He doesn’t come around here much and really has an inflated view of his writing abilities and his ability to critique corporate culture. The company newsletter prints his picture with a string of sentences he’s supposed to have written. I think the PR department writes it for him and the legal department edits it. The reality is that he doesn’t even write the stuff for The Corporate Asylum, we do, while management frantically screams at us about deadlines. That’s why they call us “workers.” Contrary to management’s intimidation tactics you can come here whenever you want. You can leave whenever you want. If you get bored reading something–quit. If you don’t agree with something–say so. Read The Corporate Asylum because you want to, not because you have to. This is just a web site, not utopia.