Becoming a Useful Idiot: A Guide for Success

Highly talented and respected useful idiots such as Kamala Harris, Joe Biden, Kier Starmer and Justin Trudeau are well-known to most of us. The political world, especially the Western political world, is overrun with them. You’re probably not rich, famous or devoid of moral character, but that does not mean that you cannot be a successful useful idiot. With a little drive, ambition and demonic influence the world of useful idiocy is open to everyone!

Useful idiots are abundant and even if you were not born with the natural talents to be a superior useful idiot, it is possible, with dedication to mainstream and social media to become, at the very least, an adequate useful idiot. Millions and millions of others just like you have already done so! It does, however, take time and it’s not as easy as you may think. Take at look at these examples of useful idiocy in regard to the recent shooting of the National Guardsmen in Washington D.C.:

This is so tragic, so unnecessary, these poor guardsmen should never have been deployed. I live in D.C. and watched as they had virtually nothing to do but pick up trash. It was for political show and at what cost. — Jane Mayer

People walking around with uniforms in an American city. There are some Americans that might object to that—& so apparently this shooting has happened. —MSNBC¹

It may look easy to exonerate and ignore the man who shot the guardsmen, but disengaging logic and morality does take a level of talent that does not always come naturally. We here at The Asylum are willing to help.

The traits of useful idiots are the same regardless of economic status, social standing, questionable friendships or intellect and though susceptibility to propaganda, doom scrolling and short, inflammatory headlines can be very useful, it is not a necessity if you are in the right echo chamber or political party.

Here are some guidelines that will make your journey to useful idiocy somewhat pleasant, quick and painless.

1. Express Yourself! A major key to being a useful idiot is to say or write what you think even if you have no understanding of the topic, even if you’ve never thought about it or read about it. For peak useful idiocy—ignorance is a virtue.
2. Never say, “I don’t know.” Always offer an uninformed opinion with gusto and confidence based on social and mainstream media headlines.
3. React on social media platforms. React to clickbait. React to rage. React to insults. React. React. React. Never think.
4. Learn these phrases and use them anytime someone disputes what you say with facts or logic:
   • You’re a conspiracy theorist!
   • You’re white!
   • You’re Islamophobic!
   • You’re a racist!
   • You’re a Nazi!
   • You’re literally Hitler!
   • You voted for Trump!
   • Immigrants are our greatest resource!
   • I hate you!
5. Smile knowingly with condescension when confused by someone else’s arguments—especially if they make sense. When your opponent finishes, it’s not necessary to verbally respond. Chuckle to yourself, stare at them in disbelief, shake your head, then walk away. You’ll feel good!
6. Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. There is never a time not to scroll. Fill every quiet space, every moment of solitude, every lull at the dinner table or family gathering with scrolling. If Uncle Harry’s story is boring, why should you have to listen? Scroll, baby, scroll!
7. Reframe any events that go against THE NARRATIVE as the fault of your opponents. In these cases it is admissible, probably necessary, to lie for the greater good. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it!
8. Do what you’re told by the government, by the media, by the experts and above all, by your handlers. Obey and don’t ask questions.

Congratulations! You are now a useful idiot!

Additional Help

Though this simple, short post can help you become the useful idiot your friends, family and Satanists will admire, there are also books that can help. If you don’t read books (and why would you?) you can buy the audible or digital versions. The digital versions have been formatted to mimic social media scrolling so you’ll feel no discomfort with the unpleasant feeling of having to read a physical book and they have been shortened considerably so you won’t miss your favorite Netflix binge. The digital books below only have the chapter titles which means you could finish off all four of them while waiting for dinner to heat up in your new AI microwave.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Useful Idiots by George Soros

If anyone knows how to pick useful idiots it is George Soros. Activist judges, city mayors, congressmen, senators, NGO CEOs and that’s just in the U.S. Soros will explain to you exactly what he and his buddies are looking for in the perfect useful idiot. There’s even an application form at the back of the book. But be warned! Your signature is required and it must be signed in blood.

Notes on Being a Useful Idiot by Peter Hotez

Was there a bigger useful idiot during the pandemic that never was? Was there a bigger useful idiot always willing to push the so-called vaccines? Probably, but when this level of useful idiocy is reached the differences are minuscule, almost impossible to see. Hotez will teach you how to denigrate your competition while refusing to debate them.

The Untethered Useful Idiot by Michael R. Pence

Traitor Pence. Benedict Pence. Useful Idiot Pence. They all work and with some hard work these titles could be yours someday! The former Vice President knows how to be an idiot and has vast experience at the highest levels of government. For those of you with aspirations that go beyond harassing in-laws on Facebook this book could be the ticket to becoming so completely blackmailed you may eventually start believing the bullshit you’ve been instructed to say.

Why Elites Love Useful Idiots by Rachel Maddow

It is doubtful that Maddow wrote this book, though she is certainly qualified as one of the most accomplished useful idiots of our day. More than likely an actual elite, who would prefer to remain unknown, wrote the book then instructed Maddow go on the book tour demonstrating one of the many reasons elites love useful idiots: they’ll do anything their elite handlers ask them to no matter how humiliating. Just ask Jimmy Fallon.

Caution!

There is a new book circulating out there called The Power of Idiots. Don’t be fooled! This book is not a celebration of useful idiocy, it is an attack upon the sacred and inspired duties of the useful idiot. We provide the cover below in order to prevent you from purchasing a book that would undermine your road to a successful career as a useful idiot.

If you’ve recently left useful idiocy please find a support group as soon as possible. The Asylum recommends abstaining from social media, the mainstream media and any movies made after 2010. Wandering around in the desert for a few years is also a good idea. Or you might consider buying a motorhome, moving to the Montana wilderness, destroying your smartphone and staring at the stars every night until you feel like reading The Declaration of Independence. You are not alone.

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Notes

1. el gato malo, "backing up the shark truck," bad cattitude, Nov. 28. 2025, Source. This is an excellent essay. Highly recommend.