The Asylum Staff!

  • The Warden

    President & CEO

    Phone: Phone Number: 666.666.6666

    We are fortunate to have someone with the experience and pedigree of The Warden. His leadership thus far has been exceptional leading The Asylum to new heights never achieved before his arrival. If you’re worried about him not wearing a mask, please remember, he’s better than us. His job requires optimal oxygen so that he can work at his peak intellectual abilities. Rest assured he will wear a mask when addressing the little people. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

  • Human Resources

    Department of Human Resources

    Phone: Phone Number: 666.666.6665

    We are sorry about the photos, but the photographer was not maintaining six feet and she refused to wear a mask. She was constantly approaching us, trying to adjust our hair and clothing. It was extremely annoying and she kept calling each of us “Karen” and not one of us is named Karen and many of us identify as males.  We told her our names many times. It’s very possible she had a mental disability, so we can’t be too hard on her, but, nonetheless it was extremely bothersome. She kept using the wrong pronouns too. I told my wife’s boyfriend about it, but he didn’t seem very sympathetic.

    In any case, this is the Human Resources crew. We make sure every employee has exactly what they need to perform their jobs! We also hire new employees. At times we do have to dole out discipline, something we really don’t like doing. Well, I guess I kind of like it. It depends. Like The Inmate, I love docking his pay and handing out warnings to him. I hate that guy. I didn’t mean hate, but he just irritates me. Honestly, if he didn’t write all of articles for the website, edit them, create most of the memes and do all the research, I think we would have fired him a long time ago.

  • The Inmate

    Writer, Editor, Meme-Maker, Researcher

    I’ll be honest. I don’t like this guy. He doesn’t wear a mask and he thinks the election was stolen. I don’t think he’s vaccinated, but I’m kind of afraid to ask. I have no doubt that he holds many unacceptable views.

    We have been forced to post this photo of him without a mask. Technically, you don’t have to wear a mask at The Asylum, but it is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. I always do what is highly recommended. My wife’s boyfriend highly recommended that I stay six feet away from him at all times…which is kind of strange, because I never see him wearing a mask.

    Also, we were forced to allow this blatant propaganda. The Great Reset will be just that: Great! I really can’t wait to own nothing, because then I’ll be happy. Although I like The Warden, for some reason he has this love affair with free speech. The only speech that should be free is the right speech, not lies like this.

  • The Hacker

    Programmer, Sci Fi Fan

    Phone: Phone Number: 777.777.7777

    I’m not even really sure this guy exists. If he does, I don’t like him either.

    I know that’s not his real phone number. He’s just trying to be cute. I’ve never met him, maybe he is cute. I don’t know.

    He did furnish us with his pronouns which makes no sense because we never see him. But nonetheless here they are:

    The Hacker
    Lord Hacker

  • The Janitor

    Custodial Service Engineer

    This guy exists. He’s the newest member of the staff. These other people I’m pretty sure are just alter egos of The Inmate…and his ego is big. Too big. I’ve met The Janitor. He’s kind of quiet, but he always looks like he knows something you don’t know. He smiles ever so slightly at most things I say, but then he doesn’t say anything. He just starts mopping or sweeping or emptying the trash. He’s always very nice to me, but I don’t like talking to him. It makes me feel uncomfortable.