Beyond Impossible: Replacing Real Meat

A package of fake meat. Not Meat Beyond Stupid Ultra-Processed Imitation 0G of real meat per serving. Worse for you, Better for us. Under no circumstances should you eat this. Net weight: Who Cares? If purchased discard immediately. Don't Eat This! UnHealthy. eatbeef.cow

Unless you’ve been living out in the wilderness, in a log cabin, thinking or reading by candlelight, enjoying the fresh air and spectacular views, fishing for and shooting your food, probably where we should all be living at this point, you will know about Beyond Meat(opens new window) and Impossible Meat(opens new window). I haven’t tried either.

I was in line at Costco awhile back when I noticed the guy ahead of me had some of it in his cart, so I asked him, “How is that stuff?”

“It’s really good,” he said, “You can hardly tell the difference.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Yeah, it tastes great.” He paused for a moment and then added, “I’m rep for them.”

I’m not really sure why he let me know that bit of information. He didn’t have to, but maybe he felt guilty and thought I should know his evaluation might be biased.

I don’t care how good it tastes (I seriously doubt it tastes better than the real thing)…I will never buy or eat any of that crap.

The New York Times, that bastion of truth and reliable information, published an article updated on December 2, 2020, entitled: “Fake Meat vs. Real Meat(opens new window).” I know 2020 seems like a lifetime ago, but there were some interesting bits of misinformation in the article. I know that’s hard to grapple with since the NYT has been so damn reliable about all information it has reported since 2016. I myself and several other of my selves who identify as male, male, male and male are still reeling from this revelation.

The meat industry, the real meat industry, criticized these fake meats as “ultra-processed imitations”, “highly processed” and no better than meat. Impossible Meat responded:

The new “disinformation” campaign, they say, is a sign that Impossible Foods’ mission — to disrupt the meat industry and replace animals in the food system — is working.[emphasis mine]

Makes it a little easier to understand why the Netherlands wants to close 3,000 farms(opens new window). Replace animals?

Here’s my other favorite sentence:

Compared to a beef patty, the Impossible and Beyond burgers have similar amounts of protein and calories, with less saturated fat and no cholesterol.[emphasis mine]

If you haven’t been looking into this what I am about to say next is going to shock you: you need saturated fats and cholesterol. The video below is long but well worth the watch.

The food industry has been lying to us longer than the pharmaceutical industry has.

The article ends with these inspiring words from the CEO of Impossible Meats:

If you’re hungry for a burger and you want something that’s better for you and better for the planet that delivers everything you want from a burger, then this is a great product.

No. No it’s not. Here’s an ingredient list for Impossible Meat (Beyond Meat is similar):

  • Water [that’s probably okay]
  • Soy Protein Concentrate
  • Coconut Oil
  • Sunflower Oil [see the above video regarding seed oils]
  • Natural Flavors [best to stay away from food with “Natural Flavors”]
  • Potato Protein
  • Methylcellulose
  • Yeast Extract
  • Cultured Dextrose
  • Food Starch Modified
  • Soy Leghemoglobin
  • Salt
  • Soy Protein Isolate
  • Mixed Tocopherols
  • Zinc Gluconate
  • Thiamine Hydrochloride
  • Sodium Ascorbate
  • Niacin
  • Pyridoxine Hydrochloride
  • Riboflavin
  • Vitamin B12
  • mRNA Vaccine [JUST KIDDING!!!! Maybe “Coming Soon” would be appropriate?]

As as afterthought they add “Gluten Free.” Well, if it’s gluten free, I’m all in!

I don’t know what half that stuff is and I don’t care. As a general rule of thumb, the more ingredients something has the worse it is for you and if it is not made by nature, it’s not nearly as good for you as something that is.

Now let’s look at the ingredients of real beef, preferably grass fed:

  • Beef

Fire up the grill. It’s time for a steak.


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Meme Transcription

Not Meat

Beyond Stupid

Ultra-Processed Imitation

0G of real meat per serving.

Worse for you, Better for us.

Under no circumstances should you eat this.

Net weight: Who Cares?

If purchased discard immediately.

Don’t Eat This! UnHealthy. eatbeef.cow

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