The Lucifer Interview (Vetted and Fact-Checked)

In effect, this is the end of the West. By publishing the Epstein files, this civilization has signed its own sentence. Yet if we—all of sane humanity—do not defeat this satanic elite now, it will continue to rule over us.¹

— Alexander Dugin

A Note from The Inmate: I meet all kinds of interesting people, trolls and AIs on Substack. Occasionally, readers, CIA agents or deep state operatives send me inside information. The below came in from someone who assured me, without me even asking, that what follows is a genuine interview with Old Scratch himself (Some of you may remember the Sermon in Davos which I discovered by another series of unlikely events.). This someone, who will remain unnamed, didn’t do the interview, but he knows the guy, who knows the guy, who knows the guy who did it. There might have been another guy or maybe a gal, but he talked so fast I lost track. Still, with the rigorous journalism that we do here at The Asylum, we could not pass up something with the potential for massive clicks and engagement even if we were not fully convinced of its validity. We did consult several Satanists, six fact-checkers, seven fully self-aware AI’s and two progressive pastors with huge followings on Tik Tok to make sure there was an above average chance that at least a small percentage of what follows might, maybe, possibly resemble the truth assuming you’ve had a few adult beverages while watching Netflix. Plus, we wanted you, our dear readers and subscribers, to feel confident in the quality of material that makes it through The Asylum’s vetting process.

The Interview

Interviewer: Mr. Lucifer, so good of you to join us today.

Lucifer: I’d prefer that you not use the word “good.”

Interviewer: [laughs nervously] Terribly sorry, Mr. Lucifer, very…um…um…evil of you to join us today. I’m sure you have a busy schedule so we appreciate it.

Lucifer: I’m not here for you.

Interviewer: Yes, yes, of course, you’re here for you, for your followers, especially since the Epstein files have been released revealing a depravity that most people never knew existed. I imagine you’re worried?

Lucifer: Why would I be worried?

Interviewer: Well, a lot of the information implicates some of your most loyal servants. There are bound to be a lot of prosecutions and convictions along with the publicity, images, videos and perp walks. This could be very problematic for your brand.

Lucifer: How many convictions have there been up to this point?

Interviewer: None that I can think of, but we didn’t have the release of the files.

Lucifer: Come now, this has been common knowledge for a long time. Why do you think there have been no convictions up until now?

Interviewer: I guess I don’t know.

Lucifer: Nice to see the vaccines are working. My people are not going to convict themselves and my people are everywhere: judges, attorneys, governors, pastors, priests, authors, mayors, CEOs, state legislators, congressmen, senators and HOA board members—I could go on.

Interviewer: But…all the files?

Lucifer: What about them? Your people don’t care about children despite all the rhetoric. Start a war somewhere, assassinate someone and you forget all about pedophiles and their victims. It’s too damn easy me, child’s play, really. I’m way over qualified for this kind of work. I need something challenging—like I had 2,000 years ago.

Interviewer: What about Andrew? He’s going down.

Lucifer: I am more than willing to sacrifice a few of my own people to make the rest of you believe that genuine justice is happening. It keeps you all occupied and feeling good even as my best, most popular servants escape punishment. You should ask the Clintons about that.

Interviewer: Clintons? Can you spell that for me?

Lucifer: I see you’ve had all your boosters too. Who are you?

Childers: I’m Jeff Childers. I have a different take on all this. I see you’re already sitting down. That’s good. Here’s what I think: “there’s a much bigger picture….what seems to be a disclosure trickle might be all that the world can handle for now. Comprehending the awesome magnitude of the Epstein network is like trying to swallow a T. Rex. Not only is it impossible to eat in one sitting, but it could just as easily gobble up the sous chef…But maybe, given the scale and prominence of who’s involved, the correct order, the only practical order, is with arrests at the end: a few disclosures, a little understanding, more disclosures, more understanding, escalate to a crescendo, then public outcry, then arrests.”²

Lucifer: Ha! That’s wishful thinking, Mr. Childers!

Childers: Maybe, Lucifer, but you should recall that your plans don’t always work. Remember Job? Remember the desert? Remember the empty tomb?

Notes

Dugin, Alexander, "Pedophile Presidents and the Epstein Files", February 2, 2026, Source
Childers, Jeff, "T-REX BATTLES • Tuesday, February 10, 2026 • C&C NEWS," Çovid and Coffee, February 10, 2026, Source The not footnoted words of Jeff Childers are the complete responsibility of The Inmate. Please, Jeff, don't sue me!